Heroins & Villains: Part 1

What would you do if your child was bullied?  If there were damage inflicted that you cannot prevent or mend?  When you know the actions of Villains have changed the way your prodigy sees himself, thinks of himself and where he is going in life.  In early childhood many of us are told that we are a certain way based on the behaviors we exhibit or just on the purely biased opinions of the ones that love us.  For myself, there are two positive affirmations that were told to me.  1: I am pretty  2: I can live anywhere I want to.  It seems a bit abstract looking back, and I am sure there may have been others, but none as significant.  With plenty of negatives to list, I need not bother wasting the time.  For my 9 year-old, I have always used verbal affirmations as a positive reinforcement tool.  I get to be his heroin.  However, many of them have now been altered by Social Weaponry.

Moving to a new neighborhood is intimidating, unsure and exciting for kids.  Our previous home was surrounded by second-homes near the Beach.  The only foot traffic passing by were senior citizens walking their alien-looking dogs wearing jackets that didn't make them look any more friendly than my boys looked with sticks in their hands!  Unpacking boxes and arranging bookshelves is revival for all of the miscellaneous card games and things we had forgotten about.  It was June and the weather was finally starting to be more consistently sunny.  Fed-up with being indoors, we headed out to investigate our back yard.  My youngest was about a month old, napping, and we were free to play for atleast a couple of hours.  Although the grass had not been mowed for what looked to be a year, we made up the greatest hunting/war/recon game ever.  When you've got boys, you make lemonade!  Hiding under the Old Growth blades of grass, I discovered a board that was missing from the back fence.  Standing up, my great revelation was to jump through and see what was back there.  My mission was aborted as I fell under enemy fire.  I guess it wasn't a good idea?

Fall afternoons are so peaceful.  The sun seems to glow a deeper orange and the dusty pollen floats in the air romanticizing the scent of your skin.  From the blanket I had strewn across the grass however, I overheard a couple of unfamiliar voices just over the front gate.  Pretending to be simply bask in the sun, I suggested they try discovering what was on the "other" side of this back fence.  Conveniently, I had not fixed the missing board yet.  Suddenly, this was a genious idea. 

The older boy was tall and thin, with spikey black hair and  legs that seemed to be a mile long.  Accentuated by the jeans he wore, which rode high on his waist and well above his ankle bone, exposing his all-black tennis shoes.  He seemed confident and looked me in the eye when he spoke to me.  His younger brother was still younger than both my boys.  Shorter than what I remember a 7 year-old to be, but had the same black spikey hair and presentation.  However, was a bit dodgy in conversation and seemed uncomfortable and fidgity.  My assessment time was apparently a big hold-up.  Off they went, jumping the six foot fence and crashing through the high brush.  I was so elated they had finally made a couple of friends and were back there doing what kids do!

One of my goals is to always maintain an active lifestyle with my family.  Gardening is a hobby to me and all of the boys help me with things of and on throughout the seasons.  We planted more vegetables than I remember, however I recall my Tomatoes were doing exceptionally well.  Mid-afternoon, this new older boy had jumped into the middle of them, busting up the stalks and limbs in two large footprint-sized holes.  I had noticed him jumping from the fence, and felt it appropriate to let him know that we don't do that here.  When I discovered the disheveled plants, I politely confronted all of the boys hoping he could just admit to it and we could use it as a positive.  Instead, I had to tell him I saw him do it, and that lying was not allowed, and I had them go home.  Little did I know, this was just the beginning of a nearly lethal cycle.

Not holding any grudges, the kids continued playing together and us parents began to forge friendships as well.  I was raised mostly by a single father, so when I learned they only had a father, I was able to empathize with their situation, offer some insight and support.  Since my kids were going to play soccer, I asked permission to sign these boys up as well.  Once the soccer season began, I started noticing tension and listened alot closer to conversations.  My boys have played soccer for nearly five years now.  So, I knew naturally there would be some insecurity and jealousy because the other boys had not ever been able to play on a team before and mine are well established, affluent players.  My older son began not enjoying himself and expressed some doubts in his ability.  Something was going on when I was not around which was causing my younger son to stand up for himself and brother.  So, like a true ninja, I started evesdropping...a lot.  Although I was continuing my obligation to transport these kids, I realized we seriously needed to cut back the time they were spending alone together.