What a Wonderful Life...

As I rock my baby to sleep to the rhythms only he and I hear, my mind wanders through the memories of the past ten years. Jumping from one to the other like a frog on Lily Pads. I expected I would be single forever with my two boys. It did not bother me. They were always my priority, through a litter of failed attempts at a functional relationship. Had I reached a point where I was happiest? I am a better mom than I am a wife.

When I decided to let my now husband date me, I had spent the prior few months dodging his questions, and obviously not convincing him that I was not a great candidate. How did I get here!? Speaking to some of my old friends, they can't believe I got married...have a new baby...minus the white picket fence. My husband is wonderful. Being married is more challenging than I anticipated. The fruit is my baby. It is interesting...starting over. Well, that's what everyone else calls it.

Finally Van was asleep. I could put him in his bed. But, he's melted into my chest. Breathing into the nape of my neck. Ecstasy. So, the decision to just put up my feet, rest into the rocking chair and fall asleep was the best.

What a wonderful life...

Oh the life of a mommy...

Sitting cross legged on the living room floor, my boys are shooting the breeze and giggling and carrying on so innocently. Not competing, not arguing. These moments are few and far between. The focus of the evening has turned to sewing. You read it right. These boys are rough, tough, athletic boys. My younger of the two loves to delve into the miscellaneous fabrics, threads and needles of my sewing kit. It consists of random pieces and intentional projects. But tonight, these scraps were transformed into pillows for the baby. Their baby brother is almost seven months old. When they were babies, I sewed them each a pillow. Sure they have heard the story a few times, but tonight it became real.

The lessons of the evening were not of the perfection of a seam but the memories forged. I sit on the floor offering only encouragement. Sitting back and witnessing peace and innocence. Some days I wonder what has happened to my babies. Not tonight though. Can I steal these moments...reenact tomorrow...I know the answer. For tonight, we stayed up a couple of hours past bed time. Yes. Hold me guilty. I couldn't get enough. When they asked to go to bed, I knew I had done something right.

One of my most cherished memories happened just a couple of hours ago. I feel like the luckiest mommy.