Those were the days...

There was a time I giggled and played. So naive and innocent-like. The ways of my world were creative and plentiful. No friend too-true. No love too-real. Every emotion felt with every fiber of your being. Every cell in your heart believed, loved, trusted. But of course, as naive goes, taking a left turn before the hurricane often subsides to impulse. Life is grand. The world is your oyster. If someone had told me not to keep going straight, how would this all be different? Pushing on is a great defense. Plugging away to make it to the promise land. Well, is this the life?
In this life I live I am told that I am wrong everyday. Fighting the impulse to prove it incorrect, I wait for the time when everyone figures out that I was right afterall. Sailing through the days. Weaving between obstacles. My secret weapon is my heart. Facing dangers and battling influences. Remembering the days of living more carelessly. When everything didn't matter so much. Today and the first half of tomorrow were all that was on the horizon. Drinking dinner and pouring breakfast from a box. Those were the days.

Prior to school-age, we had so much fun. Living our summers like hippies. Running around in bathing suits, little boy undies, still wet from lake water. Mid-afternoon paddles on long boards in an ocean too flat to surf. Kids learning to walk so they could run through the sprinkler...potty training in the back yard...Yes. I remember how I was. So free to think. To just love my boys. Lathering on suntan oil as the little balls of giggles dug in the sand box was the most peaceful feeling I recall of our summers. Roasting myself in the heat and soaking in the rest. This was all before they learned to argue. Aaaahhh those were the days...

Somewhere along the line, life got serious. Maybe a wrong right turn, or a missed stop. I probably should have stopped and asked for directions somewhere a few years back. In lieu of the current crisis, I am reminded that this is a test. Perseverance is my other middle name. Days flashing before my eyes, I take notes for the next test. Wait! Stop!! Hold-On! Can I please just slow down!? The brake is on the left right? Or was it on the right? This is about the time I wake up. Reminding myself: "This is the work part of my life." Making future-altering decisions daily. Planning for the seemingly unobtainable future. I use to be waaayyy more fun. Yep...those were the days!

Last night we went to dinner for my dad's birthday. Amongst the attendees were nay-sayers and negative forces in my life. I was the one that knew the correct chronological age that he was. His actual years were demonstrated after the dinner! Situation being what it was, there was not a lot of room in our bank account for extravagance. So, I chose to for-go my usual with a hearty glass of red wine. Petite Syrah to be exact. I have never done that. It felt good. Generally I am the one driving home...oooo fun. The attendees passed around the baby. My middle son roamed freely before settling in with a friend to color on napkins. I figured out how to breath in public again. It's been a while. Welcome back! Last night was the night.

Whatever tomorrow has to bring I will wait and see. It's out of my control, so I will stop trying to be so damn perfect and lovely and perky and tame. With the sunroof open and whistling wind, I will not pin up my hair nor will I speak what I should say. However, I will speak the words which first hit my tongue and smile like the wild spirit I am. For today is just here as part of my way to tell all the people to just go away. Leave me be. I have what I need. Living on hugs and kisses, giggles and smiles makes my heart dance and this hair fly in the wind! So, when you think to correct me or interject when I speak, just remember I don't mind if I seem wrong or politically incorrect. I am what I am. Leave it that way.