Surround Sound !!!!

I have welcomed myself in to the digital age. I have to admit that I have been a bit resistant to the interactive-ness of it all. Shall it be considered interactivity when one child is consumed in a handheld version of virtuality, one is world-wide searching games to play while sitting next to a shelf full of board games? (Not to be confused with "bored games") Don't get me wrong, my kids are very healthy, active, athletic kids. Probably abnormal at the amount of video games they don't play.

On a given home-school day, my eight-year old is allowed to listen to his music via headphones for concentration. When the overall mood elevates, it is best managed with some XM-coffeehouse tunes cranked up to 34. Driving anytime we can be witnessed belting out the words of whatever beats occupy the disk changer, or even making up our own words and forcing each other to crack up! Yeah, we let it all hang out.

Every mother has those days...you know those days. When you just can't think straight...or crooked for that matter! My brain fills up so fast with mystery-item grocery lists, breakfast mess left behind, school work instructions, stained laundry, and late fees on bills...not to mention why the baby is suddenly not tired!! Oh man, we all need naps! So yes...I'm not sure how it is for other moms that have 3+boys, but it seems that I am always wrong. I swear some days that I consider joining the circus or a religious cult! Saying this all funny and cute is totally a facade for a much deeper issue.

"Put the recyclables in the tote with the green lid please"..."the recyclables go into the tote with the GREEN lid"..."recyclables, green lid"...PLEASE pick the recycling out of the garbage can"..."from blue lid into green lid"...Seriously?!" mama...mama... "No, the man that takes the recycling does not check our garbage for recycling...sure, in a perfect world...yes, that's a great idea to recycle cat poop but, ...we recycle because they grind up the items and use the stuff to make new stuff...and it's responsible...well, kinda like that...I don't think I could recycle my car...or the shed...I know it's made of pretty much the same stuff.......breathing, breathing, WHY DON'T YOU STAND AND WAIT FOR THE RECYCLING GUY THAT DRIVES THE DAMN TRUCK AND ASK HIM WHY!? I DON'T DECIDE WHAT THE COMPANY ACCEPTS! I CAN ONLY FOLLOW THE DAMN RULES AND PUT THE DAMN STUFF INTO THE RIGHT DAMN TOTE AND THEN TAKE THE DAMN STUFF TO THE DAMN STREET AND THEN BRING THE TOTE BACK AND DO THE DAMN SHIT AGAIN EVERY WEEK LIKE A DAMN ROBOT!!!!!!!! Knowing I have not had enough sleep for this conversation is just...it's just...

Yeah, that's a real-life example. Truth: I don't have all the answers. Generally I can get by on factual explanations and use it as a "teachable moment". When there are 4 or 5 guys reading me the riot act every second of everyday, I get a bit-lot defensive. Edgy. Feisty. Tough. Some days they ask questions and then when I start to answer, they interject "I KNOW" into my sentence. Admitting to the next part is not my proudest offense, but I have to confess. Sometimes I just don't react and pretend they haven't spoken at all...then I react as if they had said something I wanted to hear. The smile on my face makes them wonder if I have completely lost it...maybe I have.

Just to clear this up for a moment. Taking care of my kids is wonderful. My love is the most impossibly loving affliction. Here I go justifying again. My matriarchal ways get me every time. If I did not love them all with every bit of what I am, It wouldn't bother me. As my father says to my husband: "She complains because she cares...if she stops it's time to worry!"

Today we watched Revolutionary Road. Scary. Similar. The part I could identify with the most was the final breakfast. She was just numb. Finished. There was no longer any amount of fight that could be productive in the resolution. A "good" wife. She smiled, completed her tasks. Not mentioning the prior nights events. Creepy if you've seen it! But I never expected the movie to finish the way it did, and don't agree with it. I too have found myself engulfed in the reality of situations in marriage that no longer require reaction. Although the events which transpired deserve attention. The repetition of conversations means that the message is not being considered. Empathy not granted. There comes a time you take things into your own hands. Take inventory. Trim the fat.

This "digital age" has lent me tools to cope with complaints. Thanks to headphones and the Blackeyed Peas, I found some damn peace. Just last night, folding laundry, baby in bed, cute family sitting around, I made a witty comment of the sarcastic sort and was met with static for which I did not desire to hear. Play: At this moment of empowerment, the music filled my ears. A smile spread across my face. A groove hit my hips. Drowning out the static inside of my head. My shoulders lowered. I totally get it now! This surround sound was amazing! I felt free. Aside from the confused gazes and resisting the overwhelming urge to laugh!

After just minutes, they all realized that i was no longer able to cope with the constant complaints, opposition to and lack thereof hearty conversation. It does suffice to say that surround sound saved my sanity! Who knew that I could fight this battle with the weapons used against me! How bout a nice big gulp of this medicine! Yes, I can just be goofy and not make a big deal about it all. I am worn out! This constant is going to kill me if I don't start having some fun.

Making a point is like fine art. Each person has their own perception. It seems everyone in my life imposes requirements, jobs and expectations. My power is standing up for myself. They each get what they need and check-out frequently. If I can't beat them I am joining them. One of my resolutions for this New Year is dance therapy. Yes! Induced by surround sound.